The Same Person Won’t Exist Twice

My biggest fear is that I’ll become emotionally dependent on a woman, that I’ll trust her with my heart and one day she’ll turn around and break it.

It’s happened.

And sometimes, out of nowhere, I still feel that ache. That sudden urge to text her, to share something rando, a thought, a song, a win, just to feel that connection again. It’s wild how the heart remembers what the mind wants to forget. I almost crave it back… the laughter, the peace, the way her presence made life feel lighter.

But fear holds me still.

I fear finding it again, and I fear never finding it again.

It’s like standing at the edge of something beautiful but remembering the fall that came last time. I look for it anyway, the same way I saw it before, hoping maybe this time love won’t slip away. Which is crazy, right? The same person won’t exist twice, but maybe love will. At least, I tell myself that.

“I know how to Love. I know how to do it.”

And that’s where the healing lives.

That’s why I write. Why I dream. Why I create stories and scenarios that give my emotions a place to rest instead of letting them rest on someone who might leave. Writing reminds me that love isn’t gone, it just transforms. Sometimes it turns into lessons, sometimes it turns into art, and sometimes it turns into the strength to start again.

(“To be loved by an artist” Aiden P @FTMpapi on tiktok)

So yes, I’ve been broken. I’ve been scared to fall again. But I’m also learning that my fear doesn’t define me, my ability to still believe does.

The same person won’t exist twice, but maybe the best version of me will… I can love anyway…